worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
