Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
