Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
