I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
should my penis look like a turkey
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
How drunk are you?
Completed.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
