the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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