There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
