I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
