come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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