And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
