So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Randomize
