I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
