Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
