Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
