I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
