Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
