i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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