Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
