six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I got inside last night via doggy door
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I touched a dick in church today
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
