So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
