Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
