I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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