Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Randomize
