i can't believe i had my finger in that
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
