She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
