Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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