well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
