I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
