I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
