I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize