i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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