On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
