I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
