Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
