I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
