Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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