if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
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