How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
