I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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