I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
