finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
This is my gift to your gina
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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