i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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