I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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