those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
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