and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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