at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Alive.
So much puke
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
