Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
