mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I want a musical about memes.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
