They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Randomize