you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
