you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
