I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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