sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
