did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
