My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize