I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
