Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
