Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i was born a porn star she said
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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