Porn is love you can see.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Go christen that room with your naked body.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
