I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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