Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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