We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
