My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
