i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
