I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
