He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
