3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
