Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
