So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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