A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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