woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
